Comprehensive Truth?

Today was an interesting mix of activity.  It started out with  my preparation for teaching Sunday School and teaching a challenging lesson on David and Absalom.  Not a feel good story with clear lines around who was good and who was evil.  It was an opportunity to weave in how complicated it can be to be a leader - David was King and a dad...and was fighting for his leadership against his own son. We also had a chance to talk about how life situations like these are often so complicated.

The next bit was kneading up a big batch of dough, slicing, chopping, and grating ingredients for calzones for the CITB band and sound team.  That was three hours of work but a delicious result.  I even hid some spinach to increase the nutritional value.

Then on to CITB rehearsal, cut paper into squares for paper cranes for 1000 people, sort out details, feed the crew, pray with them, and watch them launch the service.  The Creative and Expressive Worship team (CEW) did a "cardboard testimonies" that was so moving.  Each student wrote a word or phrase describing their struggles...Alone...Lust...Pride..Anxiety...Anorexia...Eating Disorders...Vanity...Porn Addiction...Gossip... were all listed.  After each presentation, the student hid their face behind the testimony, flipping it to show the empty backside of the testimony.  The last student approached the mike and together they all shouted "NO!"  and one read Romans 8: 37-39.

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

At the conclusion, the group of students (20 or so) approached the edge of the stage and tore their description of a sin in half.  Truly stunning.  Would that we could be so brave in our churches and personal lives.

The preacher - Pastor Chris Schoon - spoke on the belt of truth.  Truth is not a weapon, but a garment to be worn close to the heart.  Truth is a verb - an action that we live into...we "truth" and immerse ourselves in knowing truth.  Truth is a person - Jesus.  This message was what I needed to hear and spoke into me about my own walk of seeking greater understanding of truth through my PhD.  Check out the message later this week at www.redeemer.ca.citb

Well back to the ongoing saga that is the comp.  It's on US Higher Ed and I am doing my best to think like an American.  Thus far in the program, I have been able to shift assignments to Cdn Higher Ed...no dice with this one, so it's a struggle.  But it's coming together...14 pages...in reasonable shape...and with a bit more writing tonight and a strong editorial hand tomorrow (along with proper citations), it will be good to go.

To sustain me tonight, a good cup of Turkish coffee (thank you to my friend Bruce for the pot).  See the photos below - the first is the little pot in which one brings water, finely ground coffee (almost a dust), and sugar to a boil...letting it foam up to the rim three times.  Nice strong coffee for the nervous system.  The second photo is my work station for the next two hours...excluding the walk around the neighbourhood to clear my head.

Comprehensive Procrastination Part II

And the procrastination continues.  I actually made excellent use of my 5 hours at the library until a wicked tension headache drove me home and to bed.  A good nap, some household duties, help my daughter with an essay, and it's 10 pm...the procrastinator hard at work on his blog with the solid comfort that both email accounts are clear, facebook land has no interesting news, no fascinating tweets to read...so now the  blog before I get back at it.

See, all week I have had terrible sleep this week (even the nap was awful...my 23 yr old knocked on the door to ask me if I was asleep...yes, it continues after they are 5) which lead to the grinding tension headache this week.  Vague amorphous dreams of not passing the comp and not quite being smart enough for this degree.  Funny how the subconscious preys on the mind and heart...how threads of that lack of confidence from the age of 17 continues at 47. 

My leadership coach advises how important it is to know who you are - and whose you are - and to have simple mantras to shift that deficit mindset into one of positive growth.  "Be courageous today"  "Be the change" "I am a child of God" are some that have gotten me through a day or a moment.  Today it's a bit more pragmatic.  "I will finish this comp" alternating with "I can earn this degree".

Sunday looks like an awesome day - Grade 4 sunday school in the morning, baking calzones for the church in the box band in the afternoon (there is something about feeding hungry guys who are grateful for something decent to eat that is deeply rewarding for me), and CITB in the evening...book ended on either end with an hour or two of writing and thinking.  Mantra for the day will be "where you are BE there".

Looking forward to BEING tomorrow...and getting this comp done.  Page 12 underway...two more sections...major edit...deadline monday night, 11:59 pm PST (yes, that's 2:59 AM on Tuesday morning for those of us in the eastern time zone...and yes I actually have used that time difference to meet deadlines).

Comprehensive Procrasination

After spending a couple of days reading and writing, I'm starting my comprehensive exam - another step towards the PhD.  I've been given 10 days to read, think, reflect, and write an essay to answer one of three questions. Can't say anything else about the exam - the area I'm working on is "Critical Issues in US Higher Ed" and the faculty did a great job of thinking of some great questions.  I was actually excited about the questions (such a geek, but hey, it's true).

The odd thing is that this is the start of day 4 of actually taking time away from daily responsibilities to work on it - Friday the question came in...came home a noon and started reading.  Saturday, spent the day at the library reading and was gently hijacked into a 1.5 hr conversation with a new friend of aboriginal heritage.  Tuesday I let myself be hijacked into work email for 2/3rd of the day.  Wednesday night got home from work at 7 and went to bed at 10 rather than reading that last 3 chapters.

Thursday...it's 10:15 and I am blogging instead of writing.  I set my work email with an outgoing "ain't reading email for the next 4 days".  Told my colleagues I'm not answering email - call my cell if there is an urgent item.  Went to the library to get away from the work and home distractions.  And here I am...10:19 and not writing.  Why is it that if the deadline is not screaming at me that I can't get work done?  Perhaps that a better question for a therapist than a blog.  :)

It's all part of the journey, strengthening that self-discipline muscle.  Signing off and opening my document....in 5...4...3...

Jouneys: Beginning and Continuing

"Now" begins a new stage of my doctoral studies journey: the dissertation proposal.  "Now" is a funny word to use because this is not a precise beginning, but an ongoing unfolding of the path ahead.  But I need to have a starting point "now" to help me move along the process.  I know an end point is out there - my goal to be done this dissertation is May 2014 and that's approaching quickly.  The months of August and September have flown past - occupied by work and family life - the ultimate excuses for a chronic procrastinator.  And now that I have October in front of me with a comprehensive paper to write (Oct 12-20) and a paper to present at the International Leadership Association Conference in Denver (Oct 23-28)...I'm running down on time.

So I need to begin.  I've cracked open my new Moleskin reporter journal (I just love note books, even in this age of blogging), wrote out a commitment to the next 18 months of work, prayed over it, and started writing about the "problem area" that I want to explore.  Leadership transitions in higher education:  what type of leader is needed?  And yes, that is WAY too big, too broad to encapsulate in a research question, so the process of drilling down to the actual research question begins.

In addition to being capable of much procrastination (this blog is one site on which to procrastinate), my strengthsfinder top five strengths (Connectedness, Arranger, Learner, Input, and Restorative) are all screaming at me to be managed.  Connectedness - I'm looking at the forest when I need to look at a branch of a tree.  Arranger - I'm focused on the next two weeks, especially the upcoming thanksgiving weekend and the renovation project of installing new flooring (no worries, I'm hiring someone to do it).  Learner - want to dive deeply into knowing the theoretical groundings of motivation while being distracted by the upcoming comprehensive exam paper on Critical Issues in Higher Ed (US Higher Ed...sadly).  Input - books and journal articles are scattered around the house (sorry, Susan)...the collection keeps getting bigger.  Restorative - I just want to fix work issues and these are taking way too much of my head space.

Begin.  Just begin.  On this peaceful start to the new month of October, I will begin to continue on a narrower path.