Understanding at MUMC

Today I’m sitting in a quiet corner at the McMaster University Medical Centre with no internet signal.  An older friend of mine needed to go in for a variety of tests and since I am fairly “portable” at this moment, I decided to take her.  Yeah, don’t get too excited about me doing a good deed.  There is no internet connection.  This might be the most focused two hours of my week.

Ecclesiastes 11: 5 “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”  It feels a bit odd to be drawn to this verse at this research hospital – renown for its pediatric care and research and neonatal centre.  This is a big-deal hospital in Canada!  They know stuff here – and can tell us all with great detail of how a body is formed.  There may be a few doctors for whom this verse might not make much sense.  Yet even at MUMC, we are surrounded by mystery – how disease functions in our bodies, disease that resists treatment or is untreatable, progressive degenerative disease, and the miracles of healing.

“…so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”  I take a great deal of comfort from this statement.  Humans cannot know all things and we need to lean into and embrace this limitation with humility and grace.

Internet-less for the morning, a good cup of coffee at hand, and no other option for my procrastination but to write or sit and do nothing, I am hopeful for good progress.

Finishing is better than starting?

Solomon sometimes makes some pretty obvious statements - and Ecclesiastes 7 v 8 is one.  Of course it is better to finish than to start...right?  Well, as I am starting the final part of my PhD journey, I think back to the starting of the journey at the Serra Retreat centre in Malibu.  What a start that was!  Sure, there was anxiety about the newness, but meeting 19 classmates and 5 faculty was exciting - and many of these people have become good friends.  Eventually my roommate from the weekend, Levi, was able to laugh about the lack of sleep as a result of my snoring.  The location on a hill overlooking the pacific was amazing and a great place to start a program - academically, socially, and spiritually.

I've been focused on the finish, the degree, the celebration with my family, and an important roadtrip to California with my son as we both finish our degrees (him a BSc, me PhD) at the same time.  But there is much to do in the next 12 months...the reality of which is looming large.  The final product has to be 200+ pages and I know that I'll have to write much more than that to get through the editing process.

The second part of verse 8, "Patience is better than pride" is a good reminder to me to be patient with myself and the process of writing. I'll need extra doses of patience and determination to reach all my writing deadlines in the next 12 months.  It is too easy to look at the finish ahead and the anticipation of the sense of accomplishment...and a strong caution about pride.  In the end, I am only a kid - a son of immigrants and a child of God - who is trying to making meaning out of the world that God has created.

Yesterday, I needed to be a dad to my kids - one who celebrated a first full-time job and another who unexpectedly ended up in a conflict.  I'm a husband and father first...so first things first.  And as I turn to my writing this morning, I pray for sharp insight, focus, determination, and patience as I start the finish.

Listen...

"The more words you speak, the less they mean.  So why overdo it? " Ecclesiastes 6: 11 NLT

Solomon's words are ringing true to me today.   How many words do we use each day and what is there meaning? James also gives advice to be careful what you say and the challenge of controlling the tongue.  
Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way. We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. (James 3, NLT).

There are a couple of ways to understand this message.  One is to watch what one says - good, practical, advice.  So many times I have caught myself saying things I don't mean...but also not saying something that I should say.  It's easier to be silent in the face of conflict or not share how my beliefs are in conflict with the action of others...or my own actions.  Words and silence both speak.

Another way I hear Solomon is to listen carefully to others.  In conversations, it's too easy to fill the void with my own voice or to be thinking ahead of how I will respond.  As a qualitative researcher it will be particularly  important to set aside what I think and listen to my participants say - and let their voice speak. 

Finally, words have meaning.  Understanding that meaning takes wisdom, understanding, patience, and grace.  Knowing what the words mean in the speakers context requires listening and asking for enough information to ensure that I know how the person is using the word.  Just as I attach meaning to words based on  my experience and life, so do others.

I pray that as I write today that I will be provided with a rich measure of insight and wisdom so that I am able to understand.  

Nothing under the sun is truly new.

Solomon in Ecclesiastes 1 vrs 9 writes "History merely repeats itself.  It has all been done before.  Nothing under the sun is truly new." (NLT).  A sobering way to being day 4 of writing.  Nothing is new?  And yet the university expects me to do original research?  Really?  If Solomon in all his wisdom arrives at this conclusion, who am I to try to find something new?

Yet there is this sense of reassurance in it as well.  The struggle to write, to create a centre of focus in my world is not new.  Generations of writers, scholars, preachers, farmers, brick layers, parents, and bakers all have struggled with the task of making meaning of the world around them.  My effort to make meaning out of a changing world and attempt to understand God's direction for the world is limited by my own limitations but also by the human condition - it is impossible to know what is next as it is in God's hand.

If there is, according to Solomon, no end to work, to study, to finding pleasure and each in and of themselves, each are meaningless, what is there - in life that is true?  Something that is true for me as an immigrant kid as it was for grandparents in a small village in the Netherlands?  Solomon tells us to enjoy life as a gift from God.

At this point, I have many gifts from God to celebrate in life.  The delight of watching my children transition into young adults full of potential and energy.  The joy of work that allows me to lead a team of great colleagues who each make a difference in the lives of students.  The simple delight of turning dry beans into a pot of something delicious.  The comfort and peace of a 25 year marriage.  Friends who extend my world beyond my home.  A church family that nourishes my spiritual life through the act of putting painted hands on a piece of fabric.  The creativeness of an energetic group of 10-year olds in Sunday School.

On to writing and shaking some more thoughts out of my head so I can write a literature review.

"Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone's duty." (Ecclesiastes 12 v 13"

Disentangling oneself from work on a study leave

On April 22, 2013 I started a two week study leave at home.  Today is day three and disentangling myself from work has been challenging!  A power outage on campus, dangling matters that required wrapping up, the absence of external (graded) deadlines, and remaining at home have made this transition difficult.   To be clear, my supervisors and colleagues at work have been supportive and have made no demands on me during this absence. I stopped my work email on my iPhone and set a stern outgoing message that I won't be looking at my email. My family has been wonderfully encouraging and only expect a homemade meal at the end of the day (ribs and baked beans are in the oven - I love cooking so this is a creative outlet for me).

I had entertained the idea of escaping to California where a fellow PhD student has opened his home but family finances did not allow for yet another trip.  I am trying hard to not regret that decision but think it would have allowed me to step away from all responsibilities. But that sounds like another excuse.

So, what I have I done so far?  Made three great meals. Made a (fantastic) spaghetti dinner for 180 people for my church's youth group and participated in organizing a congregational handprint banner for my grade 4 sunday school class.  I ended up working most of Monday cleaning things up.  Had coffee with my aunt and a drink with a friend.  Slept in.  Read a book. Went for a long walk with my 80 year old friend who has mild dementia and needs some company.  Wrote two paragraphs.

Fellow dissertation writers have encouraged me to keep my expectations low for the first couple of day.  Another (wise) friend suggested starting my day with devotions.

It's midday.  Two more sentences done. I think I'll start at the beginning with some devotional time.